Failure is Not An Option

Written some time in 2006, committed to the blog in 2007: One day, during radiation, I hit a wall. The world, which had always seemed full of adventure and at least the possibility of joy, was deflated. The chemo and radiation were killing the cancer cells, but I thought that they were also taking away my spirit. I was going to pop out the other end of this thing alive, for sure, and able to go back to doing whatever it was that I did, but the joy would be gone. I knew healthy, and I knew sick (bearable only because it would end), but I feared that the best I could hope for after Hodgkins was no-longer-sick. (more…)